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May 23, 2023

I Ask Myself

Cecilia R. Sanchez
I Ask Myself

I ask myself
I ask myself whether the color of my skin determines my worth
I ask myself if the love language doesn’t roll off my tongue,
Am I worth the conversation
I ask myself,
I ask myself,
Does that state of nepantla even exist? I mean,
I don’t feel worthy of either side or even in between the lines
Not enough to lay between the lines
How do I explain that when I cry, tears of Texcoco fall from my eyes?
Or the husk of the corn speaks to me
Or that when my feet feel the ground I feel the roots trying to tie me down to its existence
Or when I see a creature of the land I know its past
I ask myself, when will I be enough?
Enough to not only fall under one category in a box
Enough to be deemed a living human roaming stolen land
I ask myself
because I am a woman does it determine my worth
Does my body mean more than what it’s supposed to be
More than a childbearing home
More than a domestic servant
I ask myself, What sets these ideas?
The idea that
Because of who I am
determines how I am
Scratch that idea
I ask myself again

“I am Indigenous to Turtle Island and currently occupy stolen Tongva land. I study at California State University, Los Angeles with a bachelors in Chicanx & Latinx studies and am currently obtaining a masters degree in Latin American studies. First generation on my Fathers side and third on my Mothers. I write about my continued struggle for self acceptance and the confusion my ethnicities bring me.” — Cecilia R. Sanchez

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